The seedier side of life.

Cybercafes come in many avatars. There are the flashy ones with plush interiors, air-conditioning and obnoxious rates. There are the middle class ones with decent computers, tacky interiors and weird lighting and then finally there are the seedy ones, dirt cheap, rickety computers and uncomfortable seating.

Two stints of an hour each in the flashy versions had left my weekly finances in a precarious condition. Therefore I started a search for a more downmarket cafe that would leave something in my pockets for the weekend. Inevitably the search turned out to be a failure. Hyderabad may not lack in much but when it comes to decent cybercafes where folks can look forward to fast and problem free net surfing, it could do with some more choice.

At last, I turned to the option that couldn’t fail. The Secunderabad Regimental Bazaar. For people unfamiliar with Hyd, Reg. Bazaar is the closest you can get to Delhi’s (in)famous Palika. It stretches for a kilometre on all sides of Secunderabad Railway station and for people who know their way about, you can get anything from drugs to whores here. My needs being of a more mundane nature, I started near RK Hotel, the electronics hub of Secunderabad. Instantly I hit paydirt! There it was! In glorious plastic paint, emblazoned on a bunting “SHIVAS NETCAFE”…and what was more only 10 bucks for an hour! This better be good.

To reach the place though, you have to descend, literally. A flight of about 10 steps got me into the cellar of the RK Hotel. The place reeked of urine and there were pan stains everywhere. A few cheapjacks sat selling chinese plastic toys and a guy with bleary and wide open eyes (most probably on smack!) sat staring vacantly at something. The “netcafe” was right there. The owner sat outside and was busy watching Delhi Daredevils getting their ass kicked by Mumbai Indians. I overcame my misgivings and proceeded.

“Internet?”

“Haau. Ghante ku das rupye”

“Great!”..

I was expecting down and out computers and P II processors running Windows 98. To my surprise, not only was everything spic and span but all the systems ran on Windows XP. This place looked just fine.

The first shock was the homepage. It was set to a porno site that promised “Hot Indian girls” who could do wonderful things to you. Porn not being on my agenda, I quickly proceeded to G-Mail, Orkut, Wiki, Yahoo and so on. 40 minutes passed and I had seen everything I had set out to see. What to do of the remaining 20 mins? In a state of mild beguilement I clicked on one of the lewd windows that the homepage kept popping out. A 5 sec clip followed where two blondes who knew exactly what they were doing proceeded to suck each others livers out. Taken aback a bit at the sudden start of the video, I started to close the window and it was then that I saw him.

The owner had left his TV and IPL and was standing behind me. He was a middle aged guy with a warm smile and a genial face. I started to feel embarrassed and before I could mumble out an apology, he spoke.

“You want more variety? I have full length films. Yahaan par dekhna hai to bolo. Only 25 rupees extra. White, black, Indian, school girls, housewives, double, triple, single…Poora variety hai. Kharidna hai to 100 rupye..quality bahut achcha hai magar. Seedy (CD) laaun?”

Me: “Err…Nahi theek hai uncle! Mujhe apna mail check karna hai”

“Karo karo…no problem…aapki marzi”

And off he went with a dont-try-kidding-me-son expression on his face! I looked around. There were about 4-5 other people in the “netcafe”. Atleast two of them were definitely watching porno. Must be the white-black-Indian CD! What made this guy think I was one of these chaps? Do I look like one? Maybe with that week old stubble and NLS-induced eye bags, I do! I reflected on what drove people into these dark dens that smell of evaporating urine and cigarette smoke, in the cellars of hotels, to ogle at other people fornicating in glorious technicolour. I logged off. Paid the lecherous old man (he was listening to Kaho na Kaho from Murder now!!) his 10 bucks and walked into the daylight.

I walked to the barber shop opposite and got a shave.

And yeah I didnt have anything left over that weekend. The plushy cybercafes charge obnoxious rates as I said!